Magicians and other phonies

magicians are the shadiest people in the world. shadier than thieves. don't believe me? if you ever wanna go to a society of magicians meeting, i will take you, and you will witness the strangest hen party known to man (well kind of known to man). they talk so much shit on each other's acts, it is insanity. they talk to each other, small talk magic, and at some point find something ideologically repugnant about the other's act. when the one walks away, the other gossips hard. sheesh, and they make up strange and unbelievable, often contradictory, histories for themselves. many of them double as clowns, freaks, or do children shows. so you'd think they'd be less judgemental.

i made out with one, once, and he had a deck of cards belt buckle. so that was weird. he liked sade and wanted to do an act to her smooth sounds. i like sade and all but it doesn't spell magic to me. but he could do a lotta cigarette and card tricks, and i have to admit, i was wooed somewhat. or a sucker. whichever. he played odd and only partially successful mind games with me. that's the thing about mind games, is if you know they're being played and how, they lose their potency. but it was kind of interesting, in a bald kind of way.
obviously, i became his assistant. he is a different kind of magician, though, he does street magic, which he sees as the only kind worth doing, the improv shit. he wanted me to pretend not to know him and then we would play off each other working the crowd for wows. no money (believe it or not assistants, if they know how much to ask for, i.e. are seasoned, b/c magicians are also scam artists, gets at least 100 bucks a show, for 15 mins of 'work'), but it sounded like fun. so i was enthusiastic. he calls me from time to time but i think he just wants to makeout again. we've never practiced or done the street thing.
recently, he has asked me to go to south america with him at an unspecified time and for an unspecified duration for the opening of an amusement park, for some reason he would perform there, all expenses paid. sounds great.
meanwhile, this other magician, pete, who i had heard from barry (i'm getting to him) is crazy enough to kill people, had asked me if i would work exclusively for him. of course i said yes. i think he's cool because he designs illusions, the contraptions, in addition to performing them. he was only adamant that i work ONLY FOR HIM and be willing to dance and be 'comfortable with my body', he was very big on this point, and stressed that he was selling sex as well as magic. he mentioned that he had heretofore been using strippers as assistants, but they often had drug or scheduling problems (same difference, am i right?). he does shows at clubs, or so he said, although i have never been to a club with a magic/ fire breathing show, but maybe i am out of that loop. i said i think i'm the sexiest thing around so i said i'm okay with that as long as i have creative control over my bit and get to learn magic. we planned an act over the phone and he said he'd be in touch so we could work out a practice schedule. so clearly i never heard from him again.
and then there's barry. who is younger than me and the protege of al lloyd who is known in the circle as a bird man and a heck of a magician. al was nice to me but doesn't really do shows anymore, when he does he does them with his wife. apparently assistants marry magicians, it is only natural, isn't it. so he hooked me up with barry at a magician's meeting, who invited me over to his apartment. now barry is a magician but...
will post second installment soon.
tired.