the human biological imperative to wear silly hats.

party hats. it's a fucking industry. every friggin holiday is an excuse. an excuse to pull out the 'fun' hat. christmas--santa hats. new years--big sparkley top hats. don't even get me started on halloween. apparently, this is a basic human impulse. like having sex. fun. party. hats.
at some point in our evolution, wearing a big stupid hat helped us to survive and/or reproduce. think of wizards. ask yourself. why.
people actually wake up on new years and say, "hey, hon, let's get out the big hat, it's a holiday!".
you will stammer in awe of my big sparkley hat! and you will submit your will to me. because my hat fuckin rules you. it rules you.